Becoming Like Jesus Is the Only Marriage Strategy That Works

Saif Ullah
Jun 17, 2025
3 min read

When your marriage is falling apart, it’s tempting to reach for quick fixes new communication techniques, better habits, or marriage books promising instant connection. But here’s the hard truth: no strategy works unless it begins with a transformed heart. And that transformation only happens when you become more like Jesus.

If you're a Christian man facing emotional distance, betrayal, or spiritual failure in your marriage, this isn’t just a relationship issue. It’s a discipleship issue. And the only strategy that works—the only one that leads to lasting restoration—is becoming like Christ.

1. You’re Not Called to Control, You’re Called to Christlikeness

When things fall apart, the flesh wants control. You want to “fix her,” convince her to come back, or explain away your mistakes. But Scripture never commands you to control your wife. Instead, it calls you to love her like Jesus loves you—sacrificially, unconditionally, and persistently.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” —Ephesians 5:25

The foundation of a godly marriage is not power or performance. It’s Christlikeness.

2. Real Christlikeness Begins in Secret Places

Jesus didn’t just act loving—He was love. And He cultivated that love in private—through prayer, submission to the Father, and humility.

Before you try to fix your marriage publicly, let God refine you privately.

Are you meeting with God daily?
Are you confessing sin and repenting sincerely?
Are you allowing the Holy Spirit to convict, soften, and change you?

This isn’t about being a “better husband.” It’s about being a true disciple.

3. Jesus Wasn’t Reactive—He Was Rooted

When your wife pulls away emotionally or says hurtful things, it’s easy to react defensively. But Jesus was never driven by offense or insecurity. He was rooted in His identity as the beloved Son of God.

“This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” —Matthew 3:17

Your marriage will never be stable if your identity depends on her affection. Until your soul is rooted in God’s love, you’ll keep demanding from her what only God can give.

Becoming like Jesus means standing firm in the Father’s love—even when your wife is distant, cold, or critical.

4. Jesus Served the Undeserving—So Must You

Let’s be honest: your wife may not be making it easy to love her right now. Maybe she’s shut down, withdrawn, or disrespectful. But Jesus washed Judas’ feet. He forgave Peter before Peter repented. He loved the church while it was still unfaithful.

That’s your model.

“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.” —Matthew 20:26

This kind of love isn’t weak—it’s warrior-like. It’s laying down your ego, your entitlement, and your timeline to serve her in small, steady, unseen ways.

5. This Isn’t About Getting Her Back—It’s About Getting Right With God

Here’s the tension: becoming like Jesus may not instantly fix your marriage. She may not respond the way you want. But that’s not the goal. The goal is to become the person God is calling you to be, regardless of how others respond.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” —Matthew 6:33

When you seek Christ above comfort, character over outcome, and holiness over happiness, you become unshakeable, and your marriage gains the only foundation worth building on.

6. What Becoming Like Jesus Looks Like Daily

Here’s what this strategy looks like in real life:

Pray for her every day, not just for her to change but to be blessed.
Repent quickly and fully. No blame-shifting.
Serve her quietly and consistently—do the dishes, pick up the slack, write her notes, be present.
Pursue Jesus more than you pursue her.
Be patient. Don’t demand change. Let God do the heart work.

Final Word: Becoming Like Jesus Isn’t Just the Best Strategy—It’s the Only One That Lasts

You can read all the books, follow all the advice, and attend all the seminars—but if your heart isn’t being formed into the image of Christ, it won’t last. Jesus isn’t just your Savior—He’s your blueprint for marriage.

You don’t need to figure everything out. You need to walk with Him.

“And we all... are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

Marriage restoration starts when a man stops trying to be impressive, and starts becoming like Jesus. That’s when healing begins. That’s when hope returns. And that’s when love—real, deep, unshakable love—can be rebuilt.

Next Steps: