How I Ruined My Marriage (And How God Resurrected It)

I didn’t mean to ruin my marriage.

No man does.

But one day, I woke up and realized the home I built was hollow. My wife was distant. The affection was gone. The laughter? Replaced by cold silence. And worst of all, I had no idea how to fix it—because deep down, I knew I was the one who broke it.

This is not a story about blame. It’s a story about how I lost everything that mattered—and how God brought it back to life.

If you’re a Christian man struggling in your marriage, I want to talk to you honestly. This isn’t a feel-good sermon or a list of perfect solutions. It’s a hard look at where things went wrong—and how God stepped in when I finally surrendered.

The Slow Fade: How I Ruined My Marriage

It didn’t happen overnight. It was the small choices, the unchecked attitudes, and the spiritual laziness that added up.

Here’s what I got wrong:

1. I Stopped Pursuing My Wife

In marriage, I chased her heart like it was the most important thing in the world because it was. But over time, work got busy. Kids came along. I got lazy. I assumed she’d always be there.

I stopped dating her.

I stopped noticing her.

I stopped loving her the way Christ loves the Church—sacrificially.

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

I wasn’t laying down my life for her—I was absorbed in my own.

2. I Shut Down Emotionally

When conflict came, I avoided it. I bottled up my emotions, thinking that staying quiet was keeping the peace. But silence is not peace—it’s distance.

Eventually, she stopped talking to me because I gave her nothing to talk about.

I didn’t realize that emotional intimacy is spiritual warfare—and by disengaging, I was surrendering my marriage to the enemy.

3. I Prioritized Everything Else Over God

Sure, I went to church. I read the occasional verse. But I wasn’t leading spiritually. I wasn’t praying with my wife. I wasn’t washing her in the Word (Ephesians 5:26). My faith was passive. My leadership was weak.

When a man walks away from God, his marriage follows.

4. I Chose Comfort Over Character

It was easier to scroll my phone than ask her how her heart was doing. Easier to binge Netflix than read the Bible together. Easier to work overtime than come home and serve.

I chose what was easy over what was holy.

And my wife felt it—every single day.

The Rock Bottom Moment

She didn’t slam the door.

She didn’t scream.

One day, she simply said: “I don’t feel loved anymore.”

And I believed her.

She wasn’t threatening to leave. She had already emotionally checked out. And in that moment, I realized: I had driven her there.

I begged God to show me what to do. And that’s when I heard the Holy Spirit speak something simple and painful:

“You can’t resurrect what you haven’t buried.”

I had to bury my pride, my excuses, my ego, and my image.

Only then could God begin His work of resurrection.

How God Resurrected My Marriage

1. I Confessed—First to God, Then to Her

No more defensiveness. No more blame.

I owned my sin. I confessed my emotional neglect, my spiritual laziness, and the ways I had made her feel invisible.

James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Confession brought healing—not instantly, but it started the process.

2. I Asked God to Change Me

I had prayed for God to fix my wife.

This time, I prayed for God to fix me.

I asked Him to make me the man He called me to be—a servant-leader, a listener, a protector, a lover of her soul.

3. We Prayed Together (Even When It Was Awkward)

Starting was awkward. We barely knew how to pray together anymore. But we did it. Small, stumbling prayers. Holding hands, even when it felt forced.

And then something changed: the coldness between us began to melt.

Not by power, not by words—but by the Spirit of God.

4. I Started Pursuing Her Again

I texted her just to say I loved her.

I made dinner. Took her on a date. Asked her how I could serve her.

Not as a strategy, but because I remembered how much I loved loving her.

God reminded me that she wasn’t the enemy—she was the gift.

5. We Got Help

We went to Christian marriage counseling. We talked to our pastor. We let trusted mentors into our story. Healing rarely happens in isolation. And we needed help.

Let me say this clearly: There is no shame in seeking help.

There is only shame in pretending everything is fine while your marriage dies.

A Marriage Resurrected

It didn’t happen in a week.

It didn’t happen without tears, humility, and hard conversations.

But God resurrected what I thought was dead.

Not because I deserved it, but because He is a God of redemption.

Now, we pray together daily. We laugh again. We fight with each other, not against each other. And I love my wife more deeply than I ever have.

For the Man Who’s Still in the Middle

Brother, if you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s me,” let me say this:

It’s not too late.

If God can raise Lazarus, He can resurrect your marriage.

But you have to surrender. You have to bury your pride. And you have to let God rebuild you from the inside out.

Start here:

• Confess your role in the brokenness.

• Ask God to transform you.

• Pray with your wife—even one sentence a day.

• Pursue her heart with humility.

• Get godly help.

God’s grace is bigger than your failure.

You didn’t ruin your marriage in one day, and it won’t heal in one day.

But if you’ll humble yourself before God, He will do what only He can.

He will bring the dead back to life.