Resurrecting Intimacy: Loving Your Wife Like Jesus Would

Biblical wisdom on covenant, emotional maturity, intimacy, and spiritual leadership. Practical steps for living and loving like Jesus in your home.

Introduction: When the Flame Feels Gone

You still sleep in the same bed.

You still do the errands.

You still eat meals together.

But something’s missing.

Not sex—intimacy. That soul-deep closeness.

The feeling of being known, enjoyed, pursued, and safe.

You say, “We’ve grown apart.” You think, “We’ve just lost the spark.” You wonder, “Is this just how marriage ends up after a few years?”

But what if it doesn’t have to?

What if the intimacy isn’t dead—just buried?

And what if, with the power of Christ, it could be resurrected?

Because here’s the good news:

God doesn’t just heal broken marriages. He raises the dead ones.

And it starts with one man deciding to love like Jesus.

Part 1: The Real Definition of Intimacy (It’s Not What You Think)

Intimacy isn’t just physical.

Real intimacy is when two people say, “I see all of you—and I’m not leaving.”

That includes emotional vulnerability, spiritual connection, and physical closeness.

It’s not just about what happens in the bedroom. It’s about what happens in the living room, the kitchen, the quiet mornings, and the difficult conversations.

It’s about oneness. “The two shall become one flesh.”— Genesis 2:24

God didn’t design marriage as a contract. He created it as a covenant of intimacy, a reflection of how Christ loves His Bride.

Part 2: Why Most Men Lose Intimacy in Marriage

Here’s the truth: most men want intimacy... But few men build it the way Jesus did.

Why?

Because culture taught us:

• “Just bring flowers once in a while.”

• “Work hard and provide—that’s enough.”

• “Sex = connection.”

• “If she doesn’t want to be close, it’s her fault.”

But Jesus modeled something radically different.

And most men unintentionally kill intimacy by doing the following:

1. Emotionally Withdrawing

She asks, “Can we talk?” You say, “I’m tired,” “Later,” or just shut down.

That’s not peace. That’s self-protection. And it builds walls instead of bridges. “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”— Galatians 6:2

2. Pursuing Sex Without Safety

Sex without emotional connection feels like pressure, not passion.

You can’t demand access to her body if you’re not connecting to her heart. “Love... does not insist on its way.”— 1 Corinthians 13:5

3. Avoiding Hard Conversations

Conflict feels like failure. So you avoid it.

But Jesus never avoided hard things. He leaned into them with truth and grace.

Avoidance suffocates intimacy.

4. Becoming Roommates, Not Lovers

You share a house, raise kids, pay bills… but forget to pursue her.

Christ never stops pursuing His Bride. And neither should you.

Part 3: How Jesus Loves His Bride (And How You Should Love Yours)

The model is clear.

Jesus doesn’t give love when it’s deserved.

He gives it daily, faithfully, tenderly, and sacrificially. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25

Let’s break down how Jesus loves—and how you can love like Him.

1. Jesus Sees

He saw the woman at the well when no one else did (John 4). He saw the tears of Mary and Martha (John 11). He saw the crowds and had compassion (Matthew 9:36).

Your wife needs to be seen, not just looked at. Do you notice when she’s tired? Do you hear what she’s not saying? Do you know what’s weighing on her heart?

Real intimacy begins with seeing her.

2. Jesus Listens

Jesus didn’t interrupt. He didn’t rush conversations. He didn’t minimize pain.

He asked questions, waited for responses, and listened with His whole presence.

Put the phone down. Turn the TV off. Look her in the eyes and say, “Tell me what’s going on in your heart right now.”

“I want to understand, not fix.”

That’s how you build intimacy.

3. Jesus Serves

He washed his feet. He touched lepers. He carried a cross. He didn’t deserve it.

You don’t serve your wife after she has shown you love. You serve her as Christ served you—freely, humbly, daily.

Ask her:

• “What can I do this week that would make you feel supported?”

• “How can I lighten your load today?”

Love is spelled T-I-M-E and A-C-T-I-O-N.

4. Jesus' Sacrifices

He didn’t do what was easy. He did what was eternal.

Sacrifice looks like:

• Getting up early to pray for her.

• Staying home when you’d rather escape.

• Laying down your preferences for her peace. “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for his friends.”— John 15:13

That’s how Jesus loved you. And that’s how you’re called to love her.

Part 4: Practical Ways to Resurrect Intimacy This Week

Let’s get practical.

Here are seven actions you can take this week to start rebuilding intimacy:

1. Plan a Distraction-Free Date Night

No phones. No kids. No agenda except connecting.

Ask her deep questions:

• “What’s something you’ve been carrying alone?”

• “What do you wish I understood better?”

• “What makes you feel the most loved by me?”

2. Write Her a Handwritten Letter

Not a text. Not a meme.A real letter that says: “Here’s what I see in you.”

“Here’s what I’m thankful for.”

“Here’s what I’m praying over you.”

It may feel awkward. Write it anyway.

3. Pray Over Her Aloud

Even if it’s short.

Lay your hand on her shoulder. Ask God to cover her, calm her, comfort her.

There’s something sacred about a husband praying out loud for his bride.

4. Confess and Repent

Have you been emotionally unavailable?Too quick to anger?Distant? Disengaged?

Don’t explain it away. Own it.

Say: “I’ve let my heart grow cold, and I’m sorry. With God’s help, I’m going to change. Not just for you—but for Him.”

5. Speak Her Love Language Daily

Is it words of affirmation? Acts of service? Quality time? Physical touch?

Ask her. Then practice it on purpose.

6. Read a Devotional Together

Start small—5 minutes at night or in the morning.

Centering your marriage around Scripture reawakens the spiritual core of intimacy.

7. Cut Off Competing Intimacies

That may mean:

• Unfollowing certain accounts.

• Deleting that secret chat.

• Getting accountability.

You can’t build intimacy with your wife if your heart is elsewhere. “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”— Proverbs 4:23

Part 5: What If She Doesn’t Respond Right Away?

You may say: “I’m doing all the right things, but she’s still distant.”

“She says she doesn’t feel anything anymore.”

“She’s not affectionate. What’s the point?”

Here’s the point:

Obedience is your responsibility.

Outcomes are God’s.

Jesus loved us while we were still sinners.

He didn’t wait until we responded.

He pursued until death—and even beyond.

So even if she doesn’t notice…

Even if she’s slow to warm up…

Even if it takes months…

Keep going.

God isn’t asking you to perform for results.

He’s asking you to reflect Christ—regardless.

Part 6: A Husband’s Declaration of Intimacy

Say this out loud today: "I will love my wife like Jesus. Not for what I get, but for who I am. I will see her, pursue her, and serve her. I will lead our home with humility and holiness. And by the power of God, I will resurrect what has been lost. Because Christ raised me—and He can raise our intimacy too."

Conclusion: Intimacy Isn’t Found. It’s Built.

Intimacy isn’t luck.

It’s not chemistry.

It’s not a phase.

It’s a covenant. A pursuit. A practice.

And if it feels dead, don’t settle.

Don’t hide.

Don’t give up.

Get on your knees.

Open your Bible.

Open your mouth.

And go first.

Because the resurrection always starts with one man choosing the cross.

That man can be you.